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shower for 2nd wedding

KnottieKnottie
in Etiquette
I was uncomfortable doing a shower for my 2nd wedding because I already received gifts for this from my family and I still have them despite the divorce. My family has also told my mother that they feel uncomfortable about it. Additionally, we don't need anything to register for.

FI doesn't care, but FMIL feels shafted about not getting a shower. She could throw one, but the people she would invite that are local are her friends (who arent invited to the wedding) and her aunts and uncles (who'm I have either met once or never and are not a part of our lives). So...awkward.

Someone on the boards suggested we do a "pounding" where everyone brings a pound of something to stock my pantry, or a different kinds of teas, or different spices. I liked that idea, so I talked to my mother about it and she thought that was a good way to gather the women for the symbolic aspect that FMIL is wanting (and that I'd like too) without having the financial factor involved. My mother mentioned it to my grandmother and her family, and they all think that's ludicrous and still uncomfortable to them.

I feel like I should just give up, right? FMIL can have a baby shower in a few years to "complete" her shower needs or whatever, right?

ETA: typo
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Re: shower for 2nd wedding

  • sydariessydaries
    If you don't want it, then tell FMIL that she can a luncheon, not a shower!!!!!!, or just the babyshower in a few years.
    "I hope your FSIL whips them out when you say "I do" and swings them all around with red, sparkly titty tassles running up and down the asile saying 'Look at my new tittaaayyys!' " -- Isn't that how all new boobs should be debuted? Daisypath Anniversary tickers
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  • TheBaysideBrideTheBaysideBride
    Luncheon idea is great!!
    A woman I work with is having a work shower for me, for women who are not invited to the wedding. I was uncomfortable w/ it for etiquette reasons, but she assured me everyone is just very excited about the marriage and wants to have a lunch for me. no present openings, etc. Definitely more of a luncheon. I"m one of the few women execs in my firm, and the only single one, so if they want to do something for me, who am I to fight them :)
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  • LoopysevenLoopyseven
    Work showers and church showers are usually the only exceptions to the "only people invited to the wedding should be invited to a shower" rule, so you're in the clear there.

    If you really don't want a shower, don't have one.  Has your FI been married before, or is this a first for him?  Would she be okay with a co-ed shower?  Invite the aunts and uncles, for you and your FI together.  Her friends and their husbands... Having your FI with you the whole time might kill some of the awkwardness, since he, presumably, has spent a lot more time with his aunts and uncles.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948
    edited March 2013
    If you really don't want a shower, then make that clear to your FMIL.  Indicate to her that you've discussed it with your family, and they are not willing to participate in a shower or anything that resembles one.

    You might ask her if she'd be willing to host another kind of party for you instead, such as a luncheon.  The rule is that after the first wedding there should not be any gifting parties, although if people of their own volition decide to give you gifts, you're certainly allowed to accept them!
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  • KnottieKnottie
    I'm not against a gathering. I liked the idea the spice shower or people bringing a pound of thigngs. I am against people who were at my first shower feeling responsible for repeating the process for me.

    This is FI's first wedding. FMIL thinks I'm being selfish but seriously, FI does not care! So this would really just be for her to show off that her son is getting married.

    So, yeah I think I'm just going to stop worrying about it now. If she wants to surprise us with a luncheon or something, she can do it. Otherwise, she can start planning a baby shower. By the time we have a baby, she will be all set.
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  • PhoneCardLadyPhoneCardLady
    I like the option of a pounding!  Also cleaning items are a good idea!

    I will be married for the first time, FI the second.  I don't want a shower but I wlll register for some items, mostly bed/bath that need to be replaced.
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  • PhoneCardLadyPhoneCardLady
    edited March 2013
    I like the option of a pounding!  Also cleaning items are a good idea!

    I will be married for the first time, FI the second.  I don't want a shower but I wlll register for some items, mostly bed/bath that need to be replaced.
    Report Reply
  • ErinElizabethRErinElizabethR
    The pounding idea sounds like a recipe shower. Where everyone brings their favorite recipe and the ingredients to give to the bride. You just don't want to invite too many people because then a lot of the fresh ingredients will go to waste.
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