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Wedding shower for those not invited to wedding

SomerraeSomerrae
in Etiquette
My fiance and I are getting married about 2 weeks before we move to the other side of the country. We are having a small wedding consisting of mostly out-of-town family, but would love to celebrate with local friends and co-workers before we move. 

We won't have much time to have any kind of going away party after the wedding. We were talking about having a party about a month before the wedding and inviting everyone that we would have loved to invite to the wedding, but couldn't. 

I know that you generally don't invite people to a shower that aren't invited to the wedding, but bould it be okay to make it kind of the like a wedding shower with the typical games and whatnot? I won't be having a bridal shower, but still want to partake in goofy pre-wedding games.

Thanks for any insight. (:
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Re: Wedding shower for those not invited to wedding

  • Harry87Harry87
    No. 
    Throw a goodbye/ going away part in no way related to your wedding.
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  • KnottieKnottie
    If they're not invited to the wedding, don't invite them to a shower. Besides, it's also rude to throw your own shower. Just throw an awesome party but don't make it about the wedding.
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  • KindaSparklyKindaSparkly
    edited March 2013
    Have a non-wedding related going away party and leave it at that.  
    You're never ever supposed to shot your own shower so you'll get side eyed, there.  You're also not supposed to invite non-wedding guests to the shower, regardless of where the wedding it occuring. While you're just trying to have a fun night with your pals, you'll inadvertantly come off as rude and gift grabby.
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  • daubachsgirl23daubachsgirl23
    Like PPs said, have an awesome going away party.  Don't make it about your wedding at all.
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  • Liatris2010Liatris2010
    No it is not okay.
    How can you have time for a shower-games party but not a going away party? That makes no sense. Have a goodbye party, leave the wedding out of it.
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  • tee0715tee0715
    Agreed.  Don't make it a shower.  You will come off as gift grabby.  While  I understand wanting to celebrate with friends and co-workers, a shower is not the way to go.  Have an awesome going away party instead.  Some of the people at the going away party may want to celebrate your upcoming nuptials at the party.  If they want to do that, that's fine, but you shouldn't plan for it to be about the wedding.
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  • misssunshine17misssunshine17
    No, no, no. It's very tacky.
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  • KnottieKnottie
    I like the going away party idea
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  • TheBaysideBrideTheBaysideBride

    Love the going away party idea, and agree, don't make it about the wedding :)
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  • AndreaJuliaAndreaJulia
    I may be simplifying things here. I'm not working with a lot of detail, but if you have the funds to throw a wedding and you have the funds to throw a going away party, plus you would have liked to invite these people, why don't you just have one party (the wedding) and invite everyone?

    You can't invite people to any wedding-related parties unless they are invited to the wedding. The exception is if the co-workers you mentioned throw you a surprise shower at work.
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  • SomerraeSomerrae
    Thank you for the responses.

    To add more details and answer some questions, my fiance and I wouldn't actually be hosting the party/inviting. My MOH would be hosting the actual party, but we would obviously be providing the guest list. As mentioned, our actual wedding is small and composed of mostly out-of-state guests, thus leaving a very minimal list of those who would be able to attend a shower. 

    We're not looking for gifts. We just figured that having a gathering shortly before our wedding would be turned wedding related by our guests, so why not go that direction to begin with. Though I do understand how it could be construded as an attempt to be greedy.


    To the person who suggested just inviting all of our co-workers and local friends to the wedding, I'm sorry, but that is just silly. We intentionally planned a small, intimate wedding for a reason. While we would love to celebrate with everyone we know, it isn't the kind of ceremony we want. And while our decision was not based on budget, rarely would a shower/going away party have the same per guest cost as a wedding. 
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  • AndreaJuliaAndreaJulia
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-shower-for-those-not-invited-to-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b327b6e1-e75b-4688-bd9a-a4a9223bec70Post:00f1185e-a1e1-40db-b04d-cd7b22710672">Re: Wedding shower for those not invited to wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE] To the person who suggested just inviting all of our co-workers and local friends to the wedding, I'm sorry, but that is just silly. We intentionally planned a small, intimate wedding for a reason. While we would love to celebrate with everyone we know, it isn't the kind of ceremony we want. And while our decision was not based on budget, rarely would a shower/going away party have the same per guest cost as a wedding. 
    Posted by Somerrae[/QUOTE]

    <div>Thanks! I'm glad you think I'm silly. Go ahead and have your shower for people that are not invited to the wedding. That idea is not silly at all. </div>
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  • KnotRileyKnotRiley New York, NY admin
    bump
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