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Bad Advice

CourtaniaLynnCourtaniaLynn
in Etiquette
My junior bridesmaid's mom called me tonight with LOTS of questions, comments and concerns. I did my best to answer them but I really just wanted to be like "Hey, it hasn't even been a week, can we cool it on the wedding stuff for a minute?" But I talked to her for twenty minutes. She wanted to know what shoes I preferred ("whatever Louie is comfortable wearing. Please don't let her wear heels, she's 9.") and what I thought they should do with her hair ("whatever you guys want. Just bring a picture for the stylist and I'll pay for it") and so on and so on and so on.

Then she says "We got your invitation and will send the RSVP back to your mom". Cool. Then she told me she had THE BEST WEDDING ADVICE EVER OMG I WILL SO THANK HER FOR THIS.

She said "For every RSVP you receive with "regrets", send out another invitation to someone you wanted to invite but didn't have space for. That's what we did for my wedding!"

* pinches nose *

I said "Well, we actually invited everyone we wanted to attend so we don't really have a B-list, if that's what you mean. I made sure we invited the people we love and had room for at our venue in case we wind up with 100% attendance. Oh, dinner's ready, gotta go! TTYL!"
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Re: Bad Advice

  • coolwhipz1coolwhipz1
    In Response to Bad Advice:
    [QUOTE]My junior bridesmaid's mom called me tonight with LOTS of questions, comments and concerns. I did my best to answer them but I really just wanted to be like "Hey, it hasn't even been a week, can we cool it on the wedding stuff for a minute?" But I talked to her for twenty minutes. She wanted to know what shoes I preferred ("whatever Louie is comfortable wearing. Please don't let her wear heels, she's 9.") and what I thought they should do with her hair ("whatever you guys want. Just bring a picture for the stylist and I'll pay for it") and so on and so on and so on. Then she says "We got your invitation and will send the RSVP back to your mom". Cool. Then she told me she had THE BEST WEDDING ADVICE EVER OMG I WILL SO THANK HER FOR THIS. She said "For every RSVP you receive with "regrets", send out another invitation to someone you wanted to invite but didn't have space for. That's what we did for my wedding!" * pinches nose * I said "Well, we actually invited everyone we wanted to attend so we don't really have a B-list, if that's what you mean. I made sure we invited the people we love and had room for at our venue in case we wind up with 100% attendance. Oh, dinner's ready, gotta go! TTYL!"
    Posted by CourtaniaLynn[/QUOTE]

    what is  a junior bridesmaid?
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  • snippet17snippet17
    It was so "nice" of her to let you know about her B-list idea that she did for her wedding.
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  • CourtaniaLynnCourtaniaLynn
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bad-advice-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c65914de-fcf2-4340-bba0-2561cfccaed8Post:f0ee2de8-3cb8-4040-9b94-08bbfaffff7e">Re: Bad Advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Bad Advice : what is  a junior bridesmaid?
    Posted by coolwhipz1[/QUOTE]

    <div>It's pretty much a made-up term. She's like my kid sister (but not biologically), and she's nine years old. She told ME she was too old to be a flower girl but too little to be a bridesmaid. When I told her about the concept of "junior bridesmaid", she was like "YES THAT'S ME OMG CAN I?!" It's a real point of contention for some people (a bridesmaid is a bridesmaid is a bridesmaid) but she insisted on the "junior" part, so who am I to tell her otherwise? :) </div>
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  • CourtaniaLynnCourtaniaLynn
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bad-advice-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c65914de-fcf2-4340-bba0-2561cfccaed8Post:a55388f8-99c8-4173-a26c-5d217f49bf88">Re:Bad Advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]Haha, that's classic. I think the "best" bad wedding advice I got was from H's brother. "oh, they just say no alcohol because they're worried about drunk people. They probably won't even know if you just bring it in anyway." "They" being H's childhood church where we still attend several times a year, who had already allowed us to bring in our own officiant, cut the price of the reception venue in half, AND given us a free extra day in it so we could prep the food. Yeah, I don't think I'm going to risk mortally offending them AND breaking our contract, but thanks bro!
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    <div>LMAO awww c'mon what's the worst that could happen? How could ANYONE notice suddenly drunk people?!</div>
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  • PeledreamsofrainPeledreamsofrain
    It's amazing how much bad wedding advice people offer when they find out you are wedding planning.  And it's almost like it personally impacts them if you don't take the advice.  That annoyed the crud out of me when I was planning.
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  • KindaSparklyKindaSparkly
    Ha! Nice.
    The unsolicited advice and "brilliant" planning ideas were some of the weirdest conversations I had to endure while planning.
    MIL thought a dollar dance would be a cute tradition to start.  H nipped that one in the bud, thankfully. 
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  • egeurtsegeurts
    Our DJ was the one who wanted us to do a dollar dance... I declined. 
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  • kristbotkristbot
    My aunt told me the same thing. She also told me to tell my venue 10 people less than my actual final head count. I was like "Umm but what happens when I actually need those seats and don't have them?" She said it would be fine because 6 people no showed to her wedding and I would save money.
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  • Harry87Harry87
    Not bad manners, but H and I briefly considered a destination wedding in the bahamas. H's aunt suggested he wear a full tux on top and tux pants hemmed into shorts. 

    H is 33, by the way.
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  • melb2013melb2013
    My favorite just happened two days ago.  FSIL: "I don't think John and his wife are coming to your wedding.  You should be happy and hope they don't come.  They only gave us $75 for our wedding.  They're so cheap."  My FI: "We really don't care about those type of things."  FSIL: "Well I do."  

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  • rachelm13rachelm13
    My favorite gem: you should definitely be prepared to have anyone who is wearing white thrown out.
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  • CourtaniaLynnCourtaniaLynn
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bad-advice-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c65914de-fcf2-4340-bba0-2561cfccaed8Post:e83a15f8-93b4-44e2-914e-267b2f226b67">Re: Bad Advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]My favorite gem: you should definitely be prepared to have anyone who is wearing white thrown out.
    Posted by rachelm13[/QUOTE]

    <div>No lie, my fMIL showed me a dress and said, "Look it has the same skirt as your wedding gown, but this one is BLACK!" I nearly choked before she told me she was kidding. Thank god. (The skirt on my dress is pretty distinctive...)</div>
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  • msuprincess04msuprincess04
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bad-advice-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c65914de-fcf2-4340-bba0-2561cfccaed8Post:ad541d62-85a3-4514-952c-06bde48ebe71">Re: Bad Advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]Not bad manners, but H and I briefly considered a destination wedding in the bahamas. H's aunt suggested he wear a full tux on top and tux pants hemmed into shorts.  H is 33, by the way.
    Posted by Harry87[/QUOTE]

    Haha. I'm having a destination wedding. i may have to present this to my FI as an option. Apparently the only thing we don't totally agree on is what he will be wearing. But, in the end, he doesn't get to pick my dress, so I don't get to pick his tux.
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
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  • Schatzi13Schatzi13
    We got a lot of weird pieces of commentary about what we "needed" in order to have a wedding. My favorite is when my family tried like crazy to talk us out of providing seating for our small outdoor ceremony. We paid for it and they're the ones who benefitted from it. I still have no clue why they were so set against sitting down.
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  • snippet17snippet17
    In Response to Re: Bad Advice:
    [QUOTE]My favorite just happened two days ago.  FSIL: "I don't think John and his wife are coming to your wedding.  You should be happy and hope they don't come.  They only gave us $75 for our wedding.  They're so cheap."  My FI: "We really don't care about those type of things."  FSIL: "Well I do."  
    Posted by melb2013[/QUOTE]
    Ha. My cousin's wife gave me that reason to have a dollar dance.  She made a few hundred dollars and said its a great money maker.  Money mouth
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  • stantokmstantokm
    My parents wondered why I was inviting my 28-year old brother's girlfriend who he'll have been with about 6-8 months by the day of the wedding because "they're not that serious."  I explained that it was rude to judge the seriousness of someone else's relationship, but they insisted that my brother isn't that into her.  I think they're actually worried about her being in family pictures which she won't be (my brother's ex-gf, who he was with for three years, somehow wound up in our cousin's wedding photos and my parents are still pissed about that).
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  • Harry87Harry87
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bad-advice-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c65914de-fcf2-4340-bba0-2561cfccaed8Post:bd44a46b-39d0-4e9a-89fb-31a149652d7a">Re: Bad Advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]My parents wondered why I was inviting my 28-year old brother's girlfriend who he'll have been with about 6-8 months by the day of the wedding because "they're not that serious."  I explained that it was rude to judge the seriousness of someone else's relationship, but they insisted that my brother isn't that into her.  I think they're actually worried about her being in family pictures which she won't be (my brother's ex-gf, who he was with for three years, somehow wound up in our cousin's wedding photos and my parents are still pissed about that).
    Posted by stantokm[/QUOTE]
    My mom did the same thing with my cousin's boyfriend. She was SO insistant that he not be invited. Said cousin cornered me at my shower and asked after she had been told no by my mom (behind my back) three times. I told her adults who drove down themselves and pay for their own room can't have their relationships dictated by their parents ( she was wanting to bring her bf down on daddy's dime).<div>She took the hint and bought her own room and made her own arrangements and I invited him.</div>
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  • ladytoriladytori
    I was told that I should end my reception early because all of the "old people" don't stay up late. I said, "The only elderly person who is attending is my Nana, and she stays up til midnight."
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  • Ctexasgurl26Ctexasgurl26
    My worst adive came from my mom after she found out how much we were paying for dinner, she said we need to put out a jar to collect donations to help pay for it. I told her no, she said she would do it anyway. I told her that if I saw anything like that at my reception, it would get trashed. I told her that me and FI were planning the wedding/reception we wanted and we were well aware of how much money we were spending. It also is why I refuse to mention how much anything is costing me about the wedding.
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  • Kate61487Kate61487
    I didn't get too much in the way of bad advice, but a (male) coworker of mine recently got engaged and our (male) boss told him that he needed to practice saying "whatever you want dear, it's your day" to all things wedding planning and to NOT ask the cost of anything if/when his FI was giving options.  He was 100% serious.  After he left the coworker looked at me and said "seriously?" and I told him no, that they should definitely set a budget together and that if his FI asked his opinion she probably actually wanted it....
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  • CourtaniaLynnCourtaniaLynn
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bad-advice-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c65914de-fcf2-4340-bba0-2561cfccaed8Post:15807af8-ab9a-459c-b1b1-8d808afbae0c">Re: Bad Advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]We got a lot of weird pieces of commentary about what we "needed" in order to have a wedding. My favorite is when my family tried like crazy to talk us out of providing seating for our small outdoor ceremony. We paid for it and they're the ones who benefitted from it. I still have no clue why they were so set against sitting down.
    Posted by Schatzi13[/QUOTE]

    <div>I'm having the same battle with my parents right now. They are convinced the entire ceremony is going to take 15 minutes. My mom even said "I appreciate that you're trying to do right by etiquette, but I'm pretty sure it isn't a big deal for everyone to stand for the ceremony."</div><div>
    </div><div>On the beach. In the middle of May. We have four bridesmaids, four groomsmen, and four flower girls. Plus the parents and (maybe) grandparents. People need to sit!</div>
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  • teachmegs1teachmegs1
    My dad has a few of his close friends that I have met several times throughout my life, but if they were to get our wedding invitation in the mail, they may say; "Who is this for again?" (My dad and I have different last names. He's my step father).  So my dad says to me, "Just give me some of your invitations and I will hand them out to the people."  No dad, my wedding invitation is not like your business card that you give to clients. Please make sure when you talk so them next, you tell them that an invitation for your daughter's wedding will be in the mail sometime in June, if we do not see them before then.
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  • Amyzen83Amyzen83
    Anonymous: I'm not inviting everyone's +1s, the only reason you're attendance is larger is because you're inviting everyone's SO ...

    Me: O_O I wouldn't go to a wedding if I'm going to be treated like a "single" person and my Fi is not invited, so why should I do that to my guests? So disrespectful!
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  • monkeysipmonkeysip
    It's not all bad advice necessarily (well, some is), but my Dad (who is paying for most of the wedding) has been a little Father of the bridezilla about some things.

    --He did suggesting B-listing (my stepmom shut that down real quick, thank goodness)
    --He was flabbergasted that we weren't having a head table ("people need to be able to see you!") or a champagne toast (we're having an open bar, but I think giving every guest champagne is a waste of money, especially since FI and I don't like champagne)
    --He wanted me to send out invitations like a month or so early.  Maybe related to the B-listing.
    --He wants to invite more than our capacity because he is sure people won't all come (don't worry, I won't do that)

    I'm trying to get him to just chill and let me handle these issues... I know he's paying, but he seems more concerned over some of the things about this wedding than I am.
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  • CourtaniaLynnCourtaniaLynn
    In Response to Re: Bad Advice:
    [QUOTE]It's not all bad advice necessarily (well, some is), but my Dad (who is paying for most of the wedding) has been a little Father of the bridezilla about some things. --He did suggesting B-listing (my stepmom shut that down real quick, thank goodness) --He was flabbergasted that we weren't having a head table ("people need to be able to see you!") or a champagne toast (we're having an open bar, but I think giving every guest champagne is a waste of money, especially since FI and I don't like champagne) --He wanted me to send out invitations like a month or so early.  Maybe related to the B-listing. --He wants to invite more than our capacity because he is sure people won't all come (don't worry, I won't do that) I'm trying to get him to just chill and let me handle these issues... I know he's paying, but he seems more concerned over some of the things about this wedding than I am.
    Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE]

    My dad gets like that sometimes, too. But (bless his heart) he has no idea what goes into wedding planning and decorating. Most of them time he gives a suggestion and my mom and I are like "Yeah, great idea, we'll think on it" and then move on. 

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  • ridedatbikeridedatbike
    How do people manage to do this anyway? I mean is someone really gonna get an invite so close to the wedding and not think its fishy?
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  • BostonGIrl4732BostonGIrl4732
    I HAVE to make sure that my MOH gets a stack of thank you cards to bring to the shower.  Then I HAVE to make sure that she passes them around to the guests to write their names and addresses on them so I don't have to take the time to do it later.

    I nipped that one in the bud really quickly and told my MOH (my sister) that I wanted to do my own thank you notes.  Thanks but no thanks.
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