Etiquette

Please help me help my mom

My mom is seriously stressing over picking a MOB dress. She has fallen in love with this dress that will look amazing on her, and I would love for her to get that, but she is hesitating over the color. Our wedding colors are lavender, sage/light green, silver/grey, with some pops of darker purple and periwinkle/light blues. Basically, there are a ton of colors. Bridesmaid dresses are lavender, the dress my mom likes is like a cobalt blue.

Personally, I don't think her dress even needs to coordinate. It's not like we're going to have 50 pictures taken with my mom and the bridesmaids together and frame them all. I think I've just gotten her so worked up over etiquette (we had to go over certain etiquette rules, like you don't invite someone to a shower without inviting them to the wedding) that she has done all of this research and thinks she absolutely has to coordinate with FMIL and my wedding party, and worst of all, she thinks I get the final say in her dress. I think she just needs to see others say that it really doesn't matter, and the most important thing is her feeling comfortable and good about the way she looks. Anyone want to help me help her justify the purchase of this dress she loves?
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Re: Please help me help my mom

  • My mom just bought her MOB dress yesterday. She was originally going with a champagne color but the dress was damaged and they couldn't order it in her size anymore. So she went with another dress which is green. All of the BM's have Plum dresses (which is the primary color). To me it didn't matter than she's not coordinated to match the BM's. Whatever dress she feels comfortable in and likes is fine with me.
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  • Tell your mom to relax and stop listening to anything connected to selling you something in the bridal industry.  Bottom line - the parents can wear whatever they want.  They are not part of the wedding party and do not have to coordinate with anyone.
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  • I honestly can't think of a wedding I've been to that the MOB did coordinate with the bridal party, unless she herself was a matron of honor or something. Encourage your mom to find something she's comfortable in that works with the season of the wedding. I've seen a lot of MOBs in champagne colored dresses and I've found most of them to be very flattering in style, and "age appropriate." My mom has a hard body type to shop for, so I'm trying to encourage her to shop around, and keep repeating I'd prefer her in a dress that fits well that she's comfortable in without regard to the color.
  • coordinate does not mean match.

    Cobalt blue will look nice next to the BM's lavender dresses.
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  • If your mom thinks that you should have final say in the dress, then just tell her to buy the cobalt one, if that is the dress she really likes.  She still picked out her dress herself, you just giving her the go ahead - even if it isn't necessary!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_please-help-me-help-my-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a96d5087-3f62-4a63-bbed-57a331425d6fPost:3589eb90-6769-48cc-957e-9840b2b40637">Please help me help my mom</a>:
    [QUOTE]My mom is seriously stressing over picking a MOB dress. She has fallen in love with this dress that will look amazing on her, and I would love for her to get that, but she is hesitating over the color. Our wedding colors are lavender, sage/light green, silver/grey, with some pops of darker purple and periwinkle/light blues. Basically, there are a ton of colors. Bridesmaid dresses are lavender, the dress my mom likes is like a cobalt blue. Personally, I don't think her dress even needs to coordinate. It's not like we're going to have 50 pictures taken with my mom and the bridesmaids together and frame them all. I think I've just gotten her so worked up over etiquette (we had to go over certain etiquette rules, like you don't invite someone to a shower without inviting them to the wedding) that she has done all of this research and thinks<strong> she absolutely has to coordinate with FMIL and my wedding party, and worst of all, she thinks I get the final say in her dress.</strong> I think she just needs to see others say that it really doesn't matter, and the most important thing is her feeling comfortable and good about the way she looks. Anyone want to help me help her justify the purchase of this dress she loves?
    Posted by cookie0803[/QUOTE]

    Do we have the same mother? 

    I have told my mom (20 times) that she can wear whatever color/length/style she feels beautiful in and she <em>still</em> continues to ask me what color I want her to wear.  She seriously thinks I have to *approve* of her dress.  I just dont get it.  ::shrugs::
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_please-help-me-help-my-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a96d5087-3f62-4a63-bbed-57a331425d6fPost:2f3f9a87-aeb9-464b-8412-ae83bf636e3d">Re: Please help me help my mom</a>:
    [QUOTE]coordinate does not mean match. Cobalt blue will look nice next to the BM's lavender dresses.
    Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

    <div>I completely agree. Plus, I made the argument that details on her dress were similar to mine, and that's how she would be coordinating. </div><div>
    </div><div>She found a site that said she can't wear black or champagne (or anything remotely close to white), she has to start searching very early, I have to approve the dress, and then FMIL picks her dress based on the dress my mom chooses. WTF?</div>
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  • My mom wore cobalt blue as well.  Our colors were purple & light blue.  She definitely does not match the bridesmaids, and she felt beautiful in her dress.  I'd focus on that .... tell her you want her to feel beautiful in whatever she wears.



  • In the 2 weddings I want to last year:

    August wedding: BP in seafoam green-blue- MOB in navy. MOG in a B/W/Lime green sun-dress coordinates

    October wedding: BP in deep plummy/amethyst - MOG in wine/burgundy and MOB n navy embroidered with white

    They don't have to coordinate at all with BP, but it will look nice if they don't specifically clash which doesn't seem to be the case here. She should buy what makes her look and feel awesome, because she'll be more radiant and beautiful than if she just tries to match.
    "I hope your FSIL whips them out when you say "I do" and swings them all around with red, sparkly titty tassles running up and down the asile saying 'Look at my new tittaaayyys!' " -- Isn't that how all new boobs should be debuted? Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • Olive, that's a great idea, thanks! I may have to go with that, since she really seems to want me to have the final say. I think it has to do with the fact that she feels like her dress won't be as nice as FMILs or my dad's FI (who will wear something entirely too formal). She was also worried about getting anything with a lot of embellishment, because my dress doesn't have a lot of that. I just have to keep reminding her that we have different tastes, and the only way she would compete with the bridal gown would be by showing up in another bridal gown. She's being SO nice and accomodating that it's making things difficult.
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  • I would tell her that YOU want the dress that she loves.  I would tell her that you want her to stand out in the group photos and not blend in with the bridal party.

    I know that would work if it were my mother!
  • Both the mothers at my wedding were adamant that they match my colors, and that I have the final say. It weirded me out to no end. I eventually just agreed with whatever they sent me pictures of, and deferred to each other for coordination questions. I probably frustrated them to no end. Tell your mother that cobalt coordinated with your colors beautifully. Because it does.
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  • Just adding my experience, if your mom wants more specific examples.

    BP in light gray
    Flowers white and fuscia

    Mom in gray pencil skirt and pink cardi set
    MIL in black-and-white geometric cocktail dress
    Step MIL in floor length navy blue formal gown

    Everyone looked great in their own style. Most importantly? They felt beautiful in what they wore.
  • edited March 2013
    My mom is wearing beige and my FMIL is wearing royal blue. Both dresses look lovely on them, and they don't match the bridal party at all (who will be in jade and plum). They don't have to match.
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  • Our color was purple with accents of orange and copper. My MIL wore cobalt and looked great.
  • Our colors were silver, black and white. Our ladies wore grey dresses, my MIL and Mom wanted a color so I said "jewel tones of whatever you want." Mom picked a colbalt/sapphire blue number and MIL picked amethyst. They looked super pretty and the dads wore suits with a coordinating tie. FIL matched H and everyone was happy!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_please-help-me-help-my-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a96d5087-3f62-4a63-bbed-57a331425d6fPost:3589eb90-6769-48cc-957e-9840b2b40637">Please help me help my mom</a>:
    [QUOTE]My mom is seriously stressing over picking a MOB dress. She has fallen in love with this dress that will look amazing on her, and I would love for her to get that, but she is hesitating over the color. Our wedding colors are lavender, sage/light green, silver/grey, with some pops of darker purple and periwinkle/light blues. Basically, there are a ton of colors. Bridesmaid dresses are lavender, the dress my mom likes is like a cobalt blue. Personally, I don't think her dress even needs to coordinate. It's not like we're going to have 50 pictures taken with my mom and the bridesmaids together and frame them all. I think I've just gotten her so worked up over etiquette (we had to go over certain etiquette rules, like you don't invite someone to a shower without inviting them to the wedding) that she has done all of this research and thinks she absolutely has to coordinate with FMIL and my wedding party, and worst of all, she thinks I get the final say in her dress. I think she just needs to see others say that it really doesn't matter, and the most important thing is her feeling comfortable and good about the way she looks. Anyone want to help me help her justify the purchase of this dress she loves?
    Posted by cookie0803[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>She should absolutely buy the dress that she loves and makes her feel amazing.  There is no need to coordinate with anyone else.  None.  </div><div>
    </div><div>At first I thought you were going to say she loved a dress that was a long white ballgown and how could you stop her from looking a fool.  This post was better :).

    </div>
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  • In Response to Re: Please help me help my mom:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Please help me help my mom : She should absolutely buy the dress that she loves and makes her feel amazing.  There is no need to coordinate with anyone else.  None.   At first I thought you were going to say she loved a dress that was a long white ballgown and how could you stop her from looking a fool.  This post was better :).
    Posted by Loopyseven[/QUOTE]

    Mom, no. Dad, maybe. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, though.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_please-help-me-help-my-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a96d5087-3f62-4a63-bbed-57a331425d6fPost:47e773a8-210a-428c-9a7e-f457719bad84">Re: Please help me help my mom</a>:
    [QUOTE]Iand then FMIL picks her dress based on the dress my mom chooses. WTF?
    Posted by cookie0803[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>My mom was a stickler about this too...to her mind, the MOB picks her dress first, then the FMIL can go shopping for something in a different color. Granted, my mom is something of a control freak, but maybe "first dress dibs" is a traditional MOB perk? I just rolled with it. :)</div><div>
    </div><div>In any case, I agree with everyone else above that the blue dress your mom found sounds lovely! </div><div>
    </div>
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