Today is my birthday. I'm 53 and I'm cool with that. DH never wants to make a big deal of his birthday because he doesn't want anyone fussing over him - he doesn't want to put anyone out. Problem is, he has a tendancy to treat my birthday like that too.
I'm not some Princess (but have proclaimed to be Queen a time or two admittedly) but he totally blew my birthday off. He takes on everyone else's little life issues and becomes the fixer. You have no idea how many people think he is their tech support for their computer. It is ridiculous. And time consuming.
His current retirement job is at Radio Shack and he loves it. If a transistor, capacitor, or any other electronic thingamabobber was ever made, DH knows where to find it if Radio Shack doesn't carry it. He takes on each customer's need and brings it home to work on if Radio Shack doesn't carry the parts. Again, these people come to think of him as their electronic thingamabobber support guy and it is ridiculously time consuming. See a pattern yet?
When anyone in our family has a birthday, they get whatever their favorite bday treat is - homemade, no premade, no box crap, homemade. I'm a pretty accomplished baker and it is truly an expression of love. Unfortunately, no one else in the immediate family is into baking so when my bday rolls around it isn't quite the same. I went 20 years without a bday cake (we have been together for 21, married for 16). I took matters into my own hands last year and called my 2 bio DDs. Told them I wanted a cake and to call DH under the guise of "what are we doing for Mom's bday?" I think my request to them was "Girls, hook me up, please?" They did a pretty good job and made sure it didn't come from Walmart or Meijer's. It was a sheetcake from my favorite bakery - it's a good start!. Now we are getting somewhere. Unfortunately, I had to put it in motion.
My idea of a great bday? Some food and time with him, DS, the girls and their families. Little Ceaser's hot and ready pizza is fine. I want the time with the family. And a good bday cake.
He called my girls less than 24 hours before he wanted to get together - they couldn't as their father had something going on at church and they had committed 2 weeks ago to going. There are no plans for my birthday at all. And...no bday cake.
DS has Asperger's and warm fuzzy stuff pretty much escapes him. You let him know when bdays or Mother/Father's day is coming and we go card and gift shopping. He didn't even tell DS. Didn't take him card shopping. DS doesn't have his DL yet (although he is close now) so even if he had realized it, he couldn't have gone anywhere. When I dropped DS off at Scout's tonight, there was no doubt he did not know it was my bday.
The cake is a big thing to me and I let it go for a very long time. My real mom made me special cakes for my bday when I was a little girl and she died when I was 10. Her sister, who raised me, didn't quite see the need to fuss over bday's or cakes. On the years I got one it was her favorite flavor, not mine. I have told him before that the cake is a big deal - everyone else get's one, I'd like one too. He had never realized he had skipped that for 20 years.
Is it too much to call the girls, pick a date, grab some pizza, the cake and celebrate my bday? Yeah, I'm really pissed at him, but my feelings are just really hurt that everyone else's stuff comes first and I was an afterthought he tried to cram in among other things he needed to get done.