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MOH Trouble...

JillianA3JillianA3
in Wedding Party
My MOH informed me recently that she would not be coming to the rehearsal dinner, because she was going to a Luke Bryan concert. She said she could get cheap tickets and that "I could just tell her what she needed to do on the day of the wedding." Do I be bridezilla and tell her that she WILL be at my rehearsal dinner or she won't be MOH? Or let it go and just let her figure things out on the day of the wedding?

As great as Luke Bryan is, I really feel like I am just a wee bit more important!!

Opinions please! Thanks :
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Re: MOH Trouble...

  • TXKristanTXKristan
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-trouble-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d123bfac-f3cb-43fb-9455-ba3e4aaf6021Post:84fbb9bb-04bd-45b0-ae3e-3ee749e1d0cb">MOH Trouble...</a>:
    [QUOTE]My MOH informed me recently that she would not be coming to the rehearsal dinner, because she was going to a Luke Bryan concert. She said she could get cheap tickets and that "I could just tell her what she needed to do on the day of the wedding." Do I be bridezilla and tell her that she WILL be at my rehearsal dinner or she won't be MOH? Or let it go and just let her figure things out on the day of the wedding? As great as Luke Bryan is, I really feel like I am just a wee bit more important!! Opinions please! Thanks :
    Posted by JillianA3[/QUOTE]
    Just let it go.  Have one of the BMs be her "proxy" at the rehearsal and then tell her the details of what to do & when.
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  • libby2483libby2483
    While I can understand your frustration, you should just let it go.  Ideally, she would be there, but it isn't the end of the world that she isn't. Don't tell her that she can't be your MOH.  H's brother was not able to come to our rehearsal dinner, and he still managed to do everything he needed to at the wedding (aka walk down the aisle and stand in the appropriate spot).  Just fill her in quick on anything she needs to know on the day of.
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  • scribe95scribe95

    If someone has been in a wedding before or even attended one they can figure things out without a rehearsal. Please don't make a big deal out of this. One of my bridesmaids was totally late and missed the rehearsal. It all worked fine.

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  • misssunshine17misssunshine17
    This is someone who is supposed to be your best friend and you'd really kick her out over something like knowing how to walk in a straight line? Eeek.
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  • RetreadBrideRetreadBride member
    Let it go.  It's not a big deal.

    Rehearsals have become one of those things most brides think they "have" to do.  98% of the ones I attended were a complete waste of time.

    We had one only because we'd written our own ceremony, and the readers and soloists WANTED to have a run-through first.
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  • AndreaJuliaAndreaJulia
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-trouble-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d123bfac-f3cb-43fb-9455-ba3e4aaf6021Post:84fbb9bb-04bd-45b0-ae3e-3ee749e1d0cb">MOH Trouble...</a>:
    [QUOTE]My MOH informed me recently that she would not be coming to the rehearsal dinner, because she was going to a Luke Bryan concert. She said she could get cheap tickets and that "I could just tell her what she needed to do on the day of the wedding."<strong> Do I be bridezilla and tell her that she WILL be at my rehearsal dinner or she won't be MOH?</strong> <font color="#FF0000">NO </font><strong>Or let it go and just let her figure things out on the day of the wedding?</strong> <font color="#FF0000">YES </font>As great as Luke Bryan is, I really feel like I am just a wee bit more important!! Opinions please! Thanks :
    Posted by JillianA3[/QUOTE]

    Don't worry! She'll figure it out. Have someone give her a quick runthrough the day of the wedding and it will be fine.

    One thing I've learned is that you might be able to make people do something, but you can't make people WANT to do something. If she skips the concert and comes to your rehearsal, she will be resentful. She will wish she was at the concert the whole time. It wouldn't really benefit her or you, and especially not your friendship. Tell her to have a great time and you look forward to hearing about the concert at your reception (or while you are getting ready together or whenever).
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  • PeledreamsofrainPeledreamsofrain
    Don't kick her out unless you think drama is awesome and fun. Because it will produce near lethal doses of the stuff. However, I personally would side eye the heck out of a friend who stressed me out near my wedding over a stupid concert.
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  • RetreadBrideRetreadBride member
    Kicking someone out of a wedding party is a crummy thing to do to a friend for any reason.

    Why do you resent that she's going to a concert the night before your wedding instead of a boring "stand over there, walk down this line" rehearsal??????  Good grief. 
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  • JillianA3JillianA3
    Yeah... never said I would kick her out of the party. I don't resent her for going to the concert I just know the drama that will follow because the concert is 4 hours away.
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  • LiLe422LiLe422
    edited March 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-trouble-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d123bfac-f3cb-43fb-9455-ba3e4aaf6021Post:e8ab8a35-e0cf-44c9-9a9a-a71a438d138a">Re:MOH Trouble...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yeah... <strong>never said I would kick her out of the party.</strong> I don't resent her for going to the concert I just know the drama that will follow because the concert is 4 hours away.
    Posted by JillianA3[/QUOTE]

    Uhhhhh so what does this mean then....

    "Do I be bridezilla and tell her that she WILL <strong>be at my rehearsal dinner or she won't be MOH</strong>?"

    Sounds like kicking her out of the bridal party to me.  Or maybe you just  meant you were going to demote her?  Still as schitty as the first.

    Let it go!
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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom
    I was a BM a few years ago and when our entire group for the rehearsal left the hotel for the venue, the MOH put in the wrong directions on her GPS.  By the time she arrived, with another BM to the venue, the entire rehearsal was done.  Since I was the BM standing next to the MOH, I played MOH at the rehearsal and filled her in.  The next day at the wedding, everything was fine.  She ended up standing a little farther way from the bride than she was supposed to, so I leaned over and told her to get closer to the bride.  She took her step forward, the rest of the BM followed and no one noticed!  Most of the time, rehearsal's aren't even necessary, so let your MOH go to her concert.
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  • PeledreamsofrainPeledreamsofrain
    I normally agree with you guys when it comes to landing on the side of the bridesmaids, but I personally wouldn't feel fluffy towards a friend doing this to me.

    If I can't rely on a girl to show up and walk a few paces, then eat free food and drink free booze for an hour, then I don't think much of their friendship (excpetions, of course, for emergencies, family conflicts, etc).  It just seems like a really crappy thing to do to a friend.  Especially one that is trying to get all the details of the wedding nailed down with everyone (the RD is often the only time to do that with everyone present).  Sure she can wing it later, but why stress your friend out by shrugging it off and saying "eh, I'll make it up at your wedding".

      I would never do that if I agreed to be in a bridal party.  It just kinda screams of "meh, don't care bout you".  If a half hour to an hour of my time would keep from adding stress to a friend's plate, then sure, no sweat.  Having a friend not reciprocating, and because she wants to amuse herself more?  Hurtful.
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  • KnottieKnottie
    edited March 2013
    I wasn't able to be at a rehearsal for a wedding I was a BM in because of a work conflict, and neither was one of the other BMs: side note there was 3 of us. So the other BM filled us in on everything while we were getting ready, the morning of the wedding. I would tell her you will miss having her there and that you appreciate her letting you know instead of just not showing up. Edit: I do understand the frustration and I'm not trying to down play your worry. Yea it sucks that she's going to a concert instead but at the same time think of it as you aren't being the crazy bridezilla that you are trying desperately not to be and you are being an understanding friend instead. You never know, she just might feel pretty crummy when she realizes how it affected you and the fact that she missed something that was very much important to you.
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  • RetreadBrideRetreadBride member
    I just know the drama that will follow

    What "drama"?

    Good God.  That word makes me cringe.

    There is no "drama" unless someone CHOOSES TO MAKE SOME.

    That means you, in this case.
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  • ROBINRENE5ROBINRENE5
    Just have someone fill her in.  Since she is your MOH, I'm assuming she is your best friend.  She will know how important this day is to you, and be there for you on your wedding day just as you are expecting her to be.  A rehearsal is not a requirement, and I'm sure she has enough common sense to walk to where she needs to be.  Don't let it turn into unnecessary drama.  Let her enjoy her night - she has a life of her own - and trust that she will show up when you need her to. 

    FWIW, I saw Luke Bryan at the Rodeo a couple weeks ago -- and I would skip a rehearsal to see him again! 
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  • banana468banana468 member
    It's fine to be bummed but you need to get over this.      
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  • rb1734arb1734a member
    If she were really your friend, she wouldn't even consider skipping anything related to your wedding.  The fact that she even thinks its remotely ok to miss your rehearsal dinner for a friggin concert is beyond me.  She obviously doesn't deserve to be honored by you at your wedding-I'd kick her out asap before she starts skipping out on things like the bridal shower, bachelorette, and other parties she should be throwing for you.  
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  • AddieL73AddieL73
    In Response to Re: MOH Trouble...:
    [QUOTE]If she were really your friend, she wouldn't even consider skipping anything related to your wedding.  The fact that she even thinks its remotely ok to miss your rehearsal dinner for a friggin concert is beyond me.  She obviously doesn't deserve to be honored by you at your wedding-I'd kick her out asap before she starts skipping out on things like the bridal shower, bachelorette, and other parties she should be throwing for you.  
    Posted by rb1734a[/QUOTE]

    Ummm, no.
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-trouble-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d123bfac-f3cb-43fb-9455-ba3e4aaf6021Post:8f162891-4d09-4c1d-b94b-1a385b1b76b1">Re: MOH Trouble...</a>:
    [QUOTE]If she were really your friend, she wouldn't even consider skipping anything related to your wedding.  The fact that she even thinks its remotely ok to miss your rehearsal dinner for a friggin concert is beyond me.  She obviously doesn't deserve to be honored by you at your wedding-I'd kick her out asap before she starts skipping out on things like the bridal shower, bachelorette, and other parties she should be throwing for you.  
    Posted by rb1734a[/QUOTE]
    Troll.
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  • rb1734arb1734a member
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-trouble-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d123bfac-f3cb-43fb-9455-ba3e4aaf6021Post:a83c8add-e8d9-4e08-89f9-0d1065a35c4f">Re: MOH Trouble...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH Trouble... : Troll.
    Posted by Viczaesar[/QUOTE]

    <div>Excuse me?  I'm pretty sure that calling people names is not ok.  I have my opinion, and you have yours. </div>
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  • KnotRileyKnotRiley New York, NY admin
    bump
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  • KnotRileyKnotRiley New York, NY admin
    bump
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