Rehearsal Dinner

agvogt

My fiance's parents are  hosting the RD. They'll be in from out of town, so I sent them info on possible venues for the RD and lists of wedding party people to invite as asked.  My future MIL let me know that she's willing to pay for only wedding party and spouses plus 2 of her other grandchildren, and that she is willing to pay for food only and no alcohol, which is cool.  She's hosting/paying and could do it at McDonalds if she really wanted.  I will have some family in from Germany and Australia and I'd really like to have them at the rehearsal, but I think it'd be rude of me to tell them they can't go to the RD.  And I'd like people to have the option of a glass of wine with dinner if they choose.  Would I be out of line to ask her to split the bill, or let me take on those extra expenses? Or should I just not invite my out of country family to the rehearsal at all, which I wouldn't really want to do?

Knottie

I think if you offer to pay for what she isn't willing to .. ie extra people .. alcohol etc.. then there shouldn't be any issues ..

you could ASK if she wants to split it if you want but end of the day if she's told you what she's willing to pay for .. you might end up having to foot the bill for the rest. 

agvogt

Yeah I worded that funny.  I meant I would offer to pay for anything beyond what she had offerered up.  I just don't want to offend her

Knottie

I understand and its hard to ask if someone would be willing because you don't want them to feel they HAVE to..

Maybe just explain you don't see these people often due to them being in from other countries and say you'd really like to include them to maximize the time you have together.  You appreciate everything she is doing to arrange your dinner and don't have issues with paying for the "extra" people just that you would really like them to be included...

SJM7538

I think it's perfectly appropriate as long as your paying for whatever your MIL won't. My parents are paying for our rd and also said they don't want to pay for alcohol. But we were the same way we wanted people to have the option to drink so I talked to our venue and they are allowing us to basically have all drinks on a seperate tab that fianc and I will be paying for.

agvogt

Thanks for the replies! Very helpful.  I think that's what we'll do, just ask for the alcohol and certain people to be on a separate tab.

TheBaysideBride

I would have your FI talk to his mother, instead of you. I think she'll have an easier time taking money from him, and might feel obligated to pay for the other expenses if you say you're going to pay for it, to not make waves wiht you. FI can say, "We would like to pay these extra expenses, since Jane and I don't get to see her out-of-country friends often... etc"

nda8414

Have your fiancé handle it